Inside his Meeramar office, which has been retrofitted with extra security measures, Griffin Martel speaks on his private phone to Erika.
Griffin: How are you doing this morning?
Erika: I can see clearly... out of one eye
Griffin: Do you want me to come over?
Erika: I'm fine, Rif, really - look, I am truly sorry about the accident, I'll have my father stop by the dealership and pick you out a new car later
Griffin: That's really not necessary
Erika: Yes, it is
Griffin: Rikka, I own the dealership
Erika: Ah... right
Griffin: I can pick it out myself - what I'm more interested in is why you didn't report the accident to the police when it happened?
Erika: I thought KJ explained it to you last night? - it was mostly my fault, I didn't want the insurance company hassle
Griffin: Yes, but now we have the complication of Morrigan McBride - have you seen the papers today?
Erika: She did not shoot that priest
Griffin: They're investigating her as the main suspect
Erika: She's being set up
Griffin: How do you know?
Erika: It's just a feeling I have
Griffin: How very scientific of you
Erika: I working on the postulate this very moment
Griffin: Once again, KJ's superlative dating selection is bringing a stench to the family - Morrigan has been nothing but a Samuel Beckett wet dream since she arrived in Duquesa Bay - stay away from her
Erika: Any other orders, Sire?
Griffin: Are you coming into the office today? - there is an exciting new development that I want to discuss with you... in person
Erika: Listen, we're still on for that weekend in Napa but I just can't be bothered today - I have too many tests going at the lab
Griffin: (Growing angry) Have Shelby do them
Erika: She has her own to do
Griffin: (Shouting) YOU FUCKED UP MY CAR, THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS SHOW SOME RESPECT FOR THE BUSINESS... AND TO ME
There is a short silence on the phone.
Erika: You're about to have a meeting with your father, aren't you?
Griffin: Yes, why?
Erika: I'll see what I can do later this afternoon
Griffin: We could have lunch
Erika: (Clicking off) Goodbye, Griffin
The middle Martel brother snaps his phone off and sighs. His large Samoan assistant knocks on the door.
Griffin: You may only enter if you bear good news
Assistant: (Carrying a large wooden box and smiling) I believe it is, Sir
Griffin: (Standing up) Is that what I think it is?
Assistant: (Setting it on the table) It just arrived by special messenger
Griffin: (Eagerly opening it) Excellent!
The two stare at the industrial-sized drill bit sitting in a velvet-lined compartment.
Griffin: (Picking it up) I can't believe how light this is
Assistant: The prototypes were most successful - not the exact same composition as what we're searching for but close enough to be of great assistance
Griffin: (Looking at his watch) The timing couldn't have been better
Assistant: They have been mass-produced and the shipment is expected to arrive in a week's time
Griffin: Huh, we'll actually be ahead of schedule for once
Assistant: They sent you this first one as a special gift
Griffin: I suppose we should give it an official designation
Assistant: Actually, Sir, they already have - the DM5
Griffin: (Thinking for a minute) You've got to be kidding me
Assistant: It's the fifth and final version since this project began
Griffin: (Gritting his teeth) "DM?"
Assistant: (Looking away) Um... they named it after your father
Griffin: (Putting it back in the box) Of course... I want this stored in my private vault, even with all of the new security measures, I do not feel comfortable keeping it here
Assistant: Shall I do it now?
Griffin: (Slamming it shut) In a few hours, I might as well show it to the man whose initials it bears
At the Duquesa Bay Yacht & Polo Club, Douglas is preparing his horse for a practice match with a few business associates.
Doug: (Putting out a cigar) I'm telling you, Collins, this new first baseman we just signed is pure money - he can barely speak English but who the hell can these days?
The group of men chuckle as a call from Griffin rings through to Doug on his cell.
Doug: (Sighing and answering it) What's the problem now, son?
Griffin: No problem, father - in fact, I think you're going to be please with what I have...
Doug: This will have to wait until I get back to the office, I'm busy
Doug: I'll see you in a couple of hours
The Martel patriarch stuffs the phone in his gear bag and shakes his head.
Doug: Christ, you would think that with four sons at least ONE of them would have my backbone
Collins: What about your daughter?
Doug: What about her?
Doug: Oh, well Vikki is quite capable... for a girl - but she has her place on the bench
Collins: Heh, true - we are going to need her shortly - but I do think that Griffin is doing a good enough job
Doug: "Good enough" does not cut it in my book - he has a lot more to learn - now, Bradley has the balls but he's too busy thinking with them right now
Collins: There's no hope for Ben?
Doug: (Scowling) No - the last shred was snuffed out when he married KCON's queen dom and became "Mr. Claudia Steel"
Collins: (Shrugging) Well, there's always baby Ivan
Doug: Nah, I can tell already that he's going to be high maintenance like his mother - just by the way he craps his diapers
Collins: (Raising an eyebrow) That's a unique paradigm
Doug suddenly notices a man loitering at the far end of the field.
Doug: (Recognizing him) Um, gentlemen, you all go on ahead - there's a matter I need to take care of real quick
He saunters over to the man with large ears and the two take a walk over to a secluded area.
Doug: You must have something for me to show up here
Man: Sure do, Mr. M - I'm not sure you're gonna like it much
Doug: (Squinting) I doubt I'll like it at all - hand it over
The man gives him a small video camera with a playback monitor.
Doug: (Getting frustrated with the buttons) How do you work this asinine thing?
Man: Uh... here, allow me
The man switches on the player and Doug watches images of Ursula, wearing nothing but Captain Phelps' unbuttoned uniform shirt, sitting astride a naked Craig, flash by. After a moment, he silently places the viewer on top of a small slate wall and takes his mallet to it.
Doug: (Smashing it to bits) HOW DARE YOU - I SAVED YOU - I MADE YOU - YOU ARE THE MOTHER OF MY SON
He pauses to catch his breath.
Man: They'll be meeting at his place later - so... do you want me to fix this little problem?
Doug: (Walking through the pieces of the player) NO - there are some matters a man needs to handle himself
Man: Right - about my fee?
Douglas whips around with the mallet still in his hand.
Man: (Backing off) Ooh, you know, just... uh, just send it on in to the office - and if there's anything else I can help with
Doug: Get lost... NOW
The man does as he is told while Martel returns to his associates.
Collins: Everything alright?
Doug: Yes - perfect - but I need to take care of some business, please go on without me
As Griffin prepares to go before a hastily called meeting of the Pacific Coast Oil Cartel, Erika shows up at his office.
Griffin: (All smiles) You decided to take me up on my lunch offer?
Erika tosses him a sack containing two salads to go.
Erika: (Taking a seat) Let's get down to business - what was so important that you guilt tripped me into coming over?
Griffin: (Gesturing to the box) I have something inside here that's going to floor you
Erika: (Adjusting her extra pair of glasses) Not another "dildo in the magic box" gag
Griffin: (Evil grin) I nearly killed Sister Marie Sabine with that in Ghent
Erika: Are we here to reminisce?
Griffin: Actually, what's in this box will astonish even you, dear - I'm getting ready to present it to the board but I wanted you to see it first... actually, I wanted my father to see it first but he's not here
Erika: And I am... lucky me
Griffin opens the box with a flourish and takes out the drill bit.
Erika: That actually looks painful
Griffin: It goes on the end of an industrial drill
Erika: (Unimpressed) Was there a sale at SEARS?
Griffin: The DM5 is the state-of-the-art tool we'll be using for our next project
Griffin: Just some silly title designation - here, you're the scientist, have a look!
He presents it to a suddenly piqued Erika who can't help but notice how similar it is to Nereidium.
Erika: This... this metal is so light - what is it?
Griffin: It's some kind of alloy our R&D team came up with - it's not exactly what we were hoping for but it should get the job done
Erika: Why do I have the feeling that you're going to be drilling for more than oil?
Griffin: (Hesitant) Well... yes, I guess you could assume that
Erika: What is it?
Griffin: I can't really say at the moment except that the metal we're going after will make this drill bit seem like talcum powder compared to pure cocaine
Erika: (Trying to remain cool) That's a pretty boastful claim - as a scientist, I am extremely skeptical until there have been numerous studies to back up those words
Griffin: Believe me, once we tap this vein, there will be no need for studies - this is a natural resource that will revolutionize the world with its industrial applications
Erika: Don't you mean military?
Griffin: (Taking the bit and putting it back inside the box) The military IS an industry, Erika
The von Meer daughter studies a beaming Griffin.
Erika: IF all goes according to plan - one thing I have learned over the course of my experiments is that you can never predict unknown variables
Griffin: There will be no unknown variables - if there are, we'll simply eliminate them... in fact, one is already out of the way
Before she can respond, Douglas barges in.
Doug: OK, what's so important, Griffin?
Griffin: I was just showing Erika and now I'm about to show it to the PCOC board
Doug: (Going right over to the box) Is this what we've been waiting for?
Griffin: Yes... the DM5
Doug: (Throwing open the box and checking out the bit) Huh, they named it after me, that's the least they could do with all the money I've spent on this venture
Griffin: (Sour expression) We could send it back and wait for your image to be engraved on it?
Erika turns aside to stifle a laugh.
Doug: Is everyone gathered?
Griffin: Yes, they're waiting in Conference Room 4
Doug: (Gingerly putting it back in the box) Fine, give me your notes and let's go
Griffin: Notes? - but I'm giving the presentation
Doug: (Heading out the door) Not anymore - come on, get a move on, I have to be somewhere shortly
Griffin: (Looking at Erika and then to his father) WHY DON'T YOU GO THERE NOW? - I HAVE THIS UNDER CONTROL
Doug: I'm sure you do, son, but this is much too important for you to screw up in the slightest way
Erika: Douglas, why don't you let Griffin give the presentation? - if I remember correctly, the last presentation YOU gave resulted in half of the room falling asleep while the remainder either cracked jokes or picked their noses?
Doug: (Cocky smile) Is this the official von Meer family stance, Erika - since I don't see your father or brother participating in this?
Erika: (Strutting past him and out of the room) They have better things to do... as do I
The two Martel men watch as she slams the door behind her.
Doug: Jesus, boy, you let a woman fight your battles for you?
Griffin: Am I giving the presentation or not?
Doug: C'mon - we'll both do it
Griffin: (Huffing) Fine
As he starts to walk off, his father grabs his shoulder.
Doug: (Nodding back to the box) Aren't you forgetting something?
Griffin glares at his father, grabs up the box, and rushes out. Doug now receives a call on his cell from Ursula.
Doug: (Gritting his teeth) Hello, Legs - yes, I'm on my way to a meeting - it looks like I'll be busy all night... right... love you too
Outside on his condo patio, Captain Phelps barbecues some steaks while a naked Ursula relaxes in the hot tub.
Craig: You know, we've been seeing each other for weeks now and I have no idea how you like your meat cooked?
Ursula: (Finishing a margarita) Craigy, we are just having sex, please don't turn it into anything more than that
Craig: Um, so do I take that as a "well done?"
Ursula: As long as you serve it with mushrooms, I will be happy
Craig thinks for a moment and then dashes into the kitchen where he quickly picks some mushroom slices off of a pizza in the fridge.
Ursula: Back in Montenegro, my Papa grew the best mushrooms, they were the pride of our village - last week at this Sigma 7 charity event, we had to chase these shiny bald cancer kids around giant paper mache day-glo colored mushrooms - haven't these poor children suffered enough I thought?
Craig: (Returning to the patio) I'm sorry, I missed what you said
Ursula: How fortunate for you - really - I love it here, it's so humble and peaceful
Craig: (Opening himself a Diet Coke) Thanks... I think - actually, it won't be very peaceful starting next weekend, I'll have my daughter for a whole month while the ex goes off on some new age spiritual retreat
Ursula: This better not interfere with our rendezvous
Craig: We'll figure it out but I do want you to meet my little girl
Ursula: (Sighing) I already have one child I've pawned off on nannies, what's one more?
Craig: She's a big fan of your show
Ursula: I am NOT wearing the R'xal costume
Craig: (Flipping over the steaks) Don't worry, "Bogree" is her favorite
Craig: Only because she watches "Life's Little Lessons" all the time on The Rerun Network
Ursula: (Grimacing) Marcy... MARCY, MARCY, MARCY - heh, maybe if I had anglicized MY name, the public would be more adoring
Craig: Marcy Nolan is not her real name?
Ursula: Try "Marta Noliakas"... and she has to have her moustache waxed once a month
Craig: Ooh, I wonder if Fiore is aware of that?
Ursula: Who is Fiore?
Craig: My lieutenant - a new suitor of your co-star
Ursula: Tell him not to waste his time, she has a finace
Craig: You have a husband
Ursula: I see, it's OK for him to screw around but not me?
Craig: That's not the point - and, besides... it's not "he" - it's "she"... Anita Fiore
Ursula: (Jumping out of the tub) Is this true?
Craig: (Finishing up the dinner) It's all I hear out of her mouth besides Dark... er, work
Ursula: (Hugging Craig) Wonderful - I have some new leverage now
Craig: Like your husband being the executive producer isn't enough of an 800 lb. gorilla?
Ursula: (Now kissing Craig) Gorilla... how apt... make love to me
Craig: But the steaks are done?
Ursula pushes the plates aside and the two stumble back into the hot tub. A loud thump is heard from the other side of the wall as Doug comes crashing through the bushes with his mallet in hand.
Doug: YOU'RE GONNA BE DONE NEXT, PHELPS - AND THIS TIME, NOT BY MY WIFE
Surfaced on July 1, 2000
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