Season Three Teaser

With early morning sunbeams crawling across her face, Gracie wrinkles her nose in protest as she stirs in a bed. The clock radio clicks on 7:00 am.

WAKE UP, SANTA CONCHITANS - I'M JESSIE BESSIE IN THE MORNING AND YOU'RE LISTENING TO FEVER 101.7 KFVR - SO, DIDJA FEEL IT LAST NIGHT? - I SURE DID, MY DOGS DID, MY DISHES DID - A NICE LITTLE 5.2 EARTHQUAKE CENTERED RIGHT HERE, THREE MILES WEST OF THE KIYOMIS - THAT WILL GET YA GOIN' - AND HERE'S SOMETHING ELSE TO GET YOU GOIN', THE LATEST FROM MARC ANTHONY

Gracie: (Struggling to wake up) Uh, noooo, please - it's too early for this torture... it must be Armageddon

She suddenly starts up.

Gracie: (Eyes wide) Wait a minute, I NEVER listen to this station!

As she goes to check the radio, her hand lands on a blue and gold bong.

Gracie: (Rubbing her face) Huh? - this isn't mine, I hate these colors, they're boring colors, where am I?

She stumbles out of the bed and scans around the room.

Gracie: I'm in a land of hideous green shag carpeting, that's where I am

Takanachi scares herself as she passes by a floor mirror.

Gracie: EEP, why am I naked?

The sound of snoring emanates from under the down comforter.

Gracie: (Shaking her hands in frustration and smacking herself on the thigh) Aww, not again - score another for the tequila whore with no memory - where are my clothes?

She finds them strewn about the floor, along with pillows and a knocked over chair.

Gracie: (Trying to stay calm) This isn't Hal's place...

Glancing at several athletic trophies and model airplanes that decorate the room, Gracie tries to focus her eyes.

Gracie: And it sure as hell ain't Zach's

The sound of a ringing phone sends Gracie scurrying behind a dresser.

Gates: (Over the answering machine) CLARK, THIS IS TURNER GATES, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE NOW - WE HAVE SO MUCH SHIT GOING ON, WE NEED YOU TO COVER THE COAST GUARD COPTER CRASH - MOVE IT

Jason: (Grumbling) What time is it?

Gracie: CLARK? - JASON CLARK?

Jason: (Sitting up) Hey, Gracie - you wanna ride in together?

Gracie: (Letting out a scream) NOOOOOOO

Jason: (Frightened) FINE, WE'LL GO IN OUR OWN CARS

Gracie: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Jason: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - I LIVE HERE

Gracie: THEN WHAT AM I DOING HERE? - THIS HAS GOT TO BE A BAD DREAM, A BAD DREAM...

She starts to jump up and down, bouncing around the room.

Gracie: WAKE UP, GRACIE, WAKE UP

She slips on a used condom on the floor and goes tumbling down.

Jason: (Jumping over to her) ARE YOU ALRIGHT?

The sight of a naked Jason standing right in front of her causes Gracie to shriek and hide her eyes.

Gracie: PUT SOME SHORTS ON, PUT SOME SHORTS ON

Jason: (Hunting around for some) OK, OK

Gracie: (Peeking out between her fingers and impressed with the view) On second thought, nevermind, just help me up, please!

Jason does and the two of them regard each other for a moment. Both are bewildered, nude and silent.

Gracie: (Finally breaking it) DON'T LOOK AT MY TITS

Jason: (Quickly turning away) I wasn't looking at them... I was ADMIRING them

Gracie: (Wrapping a sheet around her) Shut up, you sound like Zach

Jason: (Miffed) I am NOTHING like Isaacson

Gracie: (Glancing at his manhood and smirking) Thank God

A coy Jason snatches a basketball off of the floor and covers himself.

Gracie: Is this a set up for "Hey, look how I can spin this with one finger?"

The joke cuts the tension and causes both of them to chuckle.

Jason: (Softly approaching her) You were so good last night

Gracie: (Allowing him to do so) Ah... really?

Jason: (Dropping the ball) Mm-hmm

Gracie: Wow

Jason: (Trying to pull her back into bed) I can't get enough of you, Grace

Gracie: (Pulling away from him) I need to call Zach

Jason: WHY?

Gracie: I... I don't know - I think I was supposed to meet him for something

Jason: (Kicking the ball in frustration) When are you going to wake up and realize he's not interested in you beyond friendship?

Gracie: (Absently looking out the window) No, I'm not talking about that - I mean I was supposed to meet him about something important... it's all so hazy

Jason's laptop is on with a news bulletin popping up on the screen. It reads, "MANHUNT FOR LOCAL MURDER SUSPECT CONTINUES." Neither one of them notices it.

Gracie: I'm sorry, Jason

Jason: What's wrong?

Gracie: I can't... I CANNOT REMEMBER ANY OF THIS

Jason: Excuse me?

Gracie: I don't - I just... I don't know

Jason: (Scoffing) How many other one-night stands don't you remember?

Gracie: What are you implying?

Jason: Nothing... does "GT" stand for "Gracie Takanachi" or "Good Time?"

Gracie: FUCK YOU

Jason: That's right, you sure did...

He gathers the used condoms off of the floor.

Jason: (Waving them at her) THRICE

Gracie: (On the verge of tears) Where were we last night?

Jason: (Pointing to various locations in the room) RIGHT HERE... and here... ooh, and over there...

Gracie: I mean, BEFORE HERE?

Jason: (Shocked) YOU ARE SERIOUS, YOU DON'T REMEMBER

Gracie: I DON'T, I REALLY DON'T, PLEASE TELL ME

Jason: (Shaking his head and sighing) We were at KCON, remember?

Gracie: (Thinking) NO, wait... kind of - why were we hiding behind Ortega's dolls? - was there someone in a hood?

Jason: WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE GNOMES, ALREADY?

Gracie: (Stunned) Gnomes?

Jason: We were at the station cutting a promo package together

Gracie: (Rubbing her head) A promo package?

Jason: (Crossing his arms) YEAH, a promo package - geez, Gracie, I know we had fun with the Cuervo and the ganja last night but what else did you take?

Gracie: I DIDN'T TAKE ANYTHING HARD - I haven't been into those reindeer games since college - something else is going on here!

Jason: LOOK - after we edited the package, it was your suggestion to go to Muldoon's for a few drinks - WE DID

He now starts to pace.

Jason: Then, you got the urge to rearrange garden gnomes in random front yards - against my protestations, WE DID

Gracie: What?

Jason: Next, it was your plan to go dancing at Techtonic's "Crazy 80's Night" - WE DID

Gracie desperately searches her brain for the faintest memory.

Jason: And after we groped each other in the bathroom next to a couple you lovingly referred to as "Freckle Face Walrus Man and Blowjobba the Huss," it was your offer to take it on back to my place - WE DID... THRICE

Gracie: WOULDJA STOP SAYING THAT WORD? - NO ONE SAYS THAT WORD

Jason: I SAY IT

Gracie: Your brothahs in da hood wouldn't like it

Jason: I was never in DA hood but I was most certainly in YOUR hood... last night... THRICE

Gracie: (Throwing herself on his bed and hiding her face) AAARRRGGGHHH

Jason: (Taking a seat at the edge of the bed) Before you go blaming what happened on being drunk or me trying to date rape you, Ms. Videographer, I suggest you take a look at this...

Jason picks up a remote off of the floor and presses a few buttons. The TV in the room comes on.

Jason: It was also your idea to tape it - WE DID

Gracie is astonished by what she sees on the monitor. It is indeed the two of them laughing and rolling around on the bed, still partially clothed. Gracie is the one taking the initiative in removing Jason's pants.

Gracie: (Clicking the remote) THIS DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE

She shuts off the video feed only and the television switches back to a regular channel mode. On screen is KCON's Kylee Shepperton doing her morning news stand-up.

Gracie: GREAT, I'm already freaked enough this early, I don't need to be seeing that bitch's face!

Jason: Wait, turn it up, what is she saying?

Kylee: Yes, Claudia, it really is quite shocking - we'll, of course, have much more later on the death of one of Duquesa Bay's most prominent citizens...

Gracie: WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?


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Surfaced on July 1, 2000
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